And They Call It “Rape”

My head was quite heavy and my body was numb. I opened my eyes, I could feel the warmth of the sun in my senseless body. I looked at myself. My t-shirt was quite torn in away. Then I looked upwards, there were people surrounding me and talking about something and as I looked around I was on the side of the road. I stood up and walked scratching my fuzzed-up hair. Then I realized that those people were not actually staring at me but the other thing. I looked around to see what it really was. It was the body of a girl lying on the ground, so dead and cold. I stood there staring at the girl. By the time I realized that.. that lying body is mine and I am just a dead soul, I remembered everything that happened last evening.

I realized the story behind my heavy head and my bruised body. I was walking alone in the empty street around 7:30 PM to return to my house from my uncle’s house which was a  short distance away. Suddenly  a taxi drove beside me and started to honk the horn. I was so scared that I walked fast even without looking at the taxi. I was even more scared when I looked back. Those demon and hungry eyes were looking at me with a smug smile. One of them came out and started walking towards me. I couldn’t help but run, run for my life. But, in no time that man caught me with his arms around me. “Somebody, somebody please help me”  i shouted again and again. Soon my voice went low along with the hopes for being saved by someone. He took me in the taxi. I was still struggling to go but, but those hands held me so tight that I couldn’t even move. I felt that my body was nothing but a mere pleasure object for them. One by one they kept taking every part of my body. They kept penetrating my body. I couldn’t even say anything to them. They were closing my mouth while clenching my long black hair. All those pain together I couldn’t even think of anything. My tears rolled down without any expression on my face. When they had bruised and taken pleasure from each part of my body, they hit my head with something hard and that was all I could remember. 

By the time I remembered everything, my mother was clinging on to my body, crying helplessly while the other people were trying to take my body. I wanted to tell her that “I am right here aama. I have so much to tell you. I have to tell you who did this to your daughter, who made my body a useless vessel. But.. but what could I do? I was just an invisible dead soul.

Since the time i saw the dirty side of this dirty world, i was scared of everything. What if I had told everyone that I was scared to walk alone. Would they be able to save me? Would I feel secure? Would this not happen? Would every girl not face these dirty stuffs? Was it my and every girl’s mistake to walk in empty streets at 7pm?Was it a mistake of every girl who wore something  she was comfortable in?

But all I could remember was my aama saying, “listen, girl, this world is really dirty. Demons are lurking around not only in the dark but also in daylight, demons having human faces. They do so many dirty and scary things but you know something scarier than that, those demons are roaming freely and those victims aren’t even getting justice.”

I realized now, I was the victim.

Here, I am not writing as a victim, but I am giving voice to those innocent girls and women who are facing domestic violence, harassment and abuse everyday yet are unable to speak up for themselves or any one facing it. Innocent victims like Nirmala  Panta, Samjhana B.K and many other girls are still searching for justice, their souls are still crying for justice. Even if the stories of Nirmala Panta, Samjhana B.K  got voices their justice still remains  pending. Nirmala is just one of the victims from millions. Many women are demotivated to raise their voices because they think that their story will just remain in the papers, covered with dust in a dark room. There are many among us who thinks that rape happened because of the girl’s behaviour or girl herself. So, we need to change that about ourselves and those around us. NGOs and INGOs working to minimize abuse and domestic violence should reach every corner of the world and broaden the understanding of rape culture among everyone. Sex education should be normalized. Activists can do peaceful protests like the protest “The rapist is you” that was done in front of Maitighar by a group of women wearing black. We should support them and anyone who is standing and speaking up about it. This is a fight where victory is possible only with unity. Let’s support and stand for each other so that every girl feels safe when she is walking alone, when she is with her own brothers or cousin, when she wears the dress she likes and when she is herself.

BY: Isha Thapa

Caribbean School, Mahalaxmistan, Lalitpur.

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